Bush Kills Last Remaining Whale in River Thames

Things are pretty hectic at Seattle Hemp Products right now and blogging will continue to be sparse for the next few days. As you can imagine, I’ve been putting in extra hours trying to keep up with the incredible demand for our new line of hemp ##### mats emblazoned with the Seahawks logo. I, of course, strongly protested such a blatant form of capitalism, but the boss assures me that we’re only exploiting beer-guzzling football neocons who have it coming. After work, all my free time has been spent scribbling away at my response to the Shrub’s “Disgrace of the Union” speech this Tuesday. I’m sure it will be his usual litany of lies, and the right-wing controlled media will help him once again by waiting until after his speech to air the Democrat rebuttal.

Anyhoo, out of all of Bush’s felonious actions that I’ve been unable to comment on this week, the one that cut me most deeply was his brutal murder of the very last bottlenose whale in the River Thames.

Not so long ago, the Thames teemed with life. Whales, sharks, sea turtles, marlins, amphibious rabbits, and even the great horned beaver all called the river their home. But while the wealthiest one percent of Americans enjoyed their huge tax cuts, the once plentiful population of bottlenose whales dwindled to near extinction. Indeed, it has been years since anyone saw a whale in the Thames at all, and the sudden appearance of one last week became quite the public spectacle. Sadly, the jubilance over the whale’s return to the river was short-lived, for the majestic creature expired within sniper's range from the Bush family’s posh London retreat. No more will Sandy and Bud frolic amongst the British everglades with their fine flippered friend, for the last remaining bottlenose whale in the River Thames has joined the long list of Bush’s innocent victims.

Millions of whales die every year on Bush’s watch. Millions more while he’s not watching. Certainly, some of these deaths are from purely natural causes. Others are from mysterious self-beachings, perhaps done in protest of Bush’s reckless environmental policies - or simply to exercise their Constitutional right to die with dignity. But make no mistake, Bush is as responsible for that poor whale’s untimely demise as he would be if he paddled out there in a canoe and whacked it with an oar.

If there’s a better reason for congressional Democrats to block the extremist Alito’s confirmation next week, I don’t know what it is. I hope Senator Kerry exhibits the same tireless dedication towards saving the whales from Bush as he did to saving America from victory in Vietnam.
http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/200...kills_last.html

I can see no one likes humor these days. Just get in the mudhole and slug it out!!!!

I'm trying to figure out who this person really is. If you look on the right of his front page and scroll down to the "Right Wing Extremist" section, you will find the link for the Bear Pit. Then scroll down further and he/she lists some of the sites in which he/she has been banned.

Obviously this person is a registered member here, who has not been banned. I wonder who this person is?

Also, I first visited this site last year and thought it to be a left wing site, but don't know what to think now. Oh, I see, his name is Larry: It's a he. And I still think that he is a Leftie.

I'll have to read more of his rants before passing final judgement.

It was a joke. And, he has links to MANY blogs and sites. Read what he said about Kennedy. IT was hilarious!

(Sigh!)

HILARIOUS!

Special Message from Sen. Edward Kennedy

Barring a miracle, Samuel Alito will be confirmed to the Supreme Court of the United States this Tuesday. Roe v. Wade will be repealed, and the clock will effectively be turned back 50 years to a time when women were herded like cattle into back alley abortion clinics and beaten with the King James Bible until they miscarried. Affirmative Action will be scrapped. Blacks will be thrown back into chains. Cub Scouts will go from door to door, spreading their message of hate and intolerance. There will be a bug in every telephone, a nativity scene in every park, and a heterosexual in every Showtime drama series. Dr. King's dream of justice and equality will succomb to George Bush’s Great American Nightmare.

I’ve tried pleading with congressional Republicans. I’ve tried threatening them with a filibuster. I’ve even tried rolling around on the floor of the Senate until I got my way. Unfortunately, the close-minded conservatives who control Congress will simply not respond to reason. Therefore, I have no choice but to appeal to their primitive, apelike instinct for protecting the lives of children over the rights of the mother.

For every vote cast this Tuesday in favor of confirming Judge Alito, I, Senator Edward Kennedy, will eat one small child.

I’m sorry it has come to this, but desperate times call for drastic measures. The children have already been picked at random from elementary and middle school rosters across the country, and the smorgasbord will commence promptly after Tuesday’s vote. Unless senate Republicans join Democrats in their courageous stand against Alito’s confirmation, I’ll be having little Lindsay Allen of Portsmouth, New Hampshire glazed with a light Bernaise sauce and garnished with fresh parsley for dinner that very evening. Wednesday’s breakfast menu will include a Denver-style omelette prepared with Colorado fifth-grader Jeremy Stevens, and for lunch I’ll be flying to Pennsylvania for a Philly Cheese Steak ala Christy Caldwell. Young Kyoshi Matsuri of San Francisco, I have a gallon of wasabi with your name on it for Thursday, and then it’s off to Hawaii for an Alana Hokuikekai luau.

I assure you that I take no pleasure from performing this terrible task. I have several wonderful grandchildren whom I love dearly, but I wouldn’t hesitate to toss ‘em into the deep fryer and serve them up with a side of coleslaw to protect a woman’s right to choose. Thankfully, none of their names were drawn, but I might do it anyway just to prove I mean business. When Clarence Thomas was confirmed in 1991, I ate an entire girl’s softball team. Ever try to pass a catcher’s mitt through your colon? It’s not a pretty picture, but it illustrates the lengths I will go to save our democracy from raving extremists like Samuel Alito.

If the Taliban-wing of the Republican Party is as “pro-life” as they claim to be, then they will vote their conscience this Tuesday. If not, they’ll have no one to blame for little Tina Draper of Portland, Oregon’s flambé fate but themselves.

Thank you for your time, and thank you, Mr. Chomstein, for the opportunity to use your little corner of the Blogodome as a venue for this important message.

Sen. Edward Kennedy

Goodnight, Dodo Birds.

Sorry, SoloNav. Real life has been pretty cruel to me and my family lately. I haven't even looked at the Bear Pit for a couple of weeks. I just read that column for the first time today.

And it is hilarious! Horned beavers! And...phphittt ...amphibious rabbits! I love it when an author uses sarcasm and exaggeration in such subtle amounts.

That was just too funny. It really does sound like a leftist rant, and the sarcasm really isn't far from what the leftists really sound like.

Good show!

Here is another one from that same site.

The Verdict is in: Dr. King's Dream Not Yet Realized

Thousands braved the cold Chicago wind and rain to witness the annual emergence of the Rev. Jesse Jackson from his warm winter burrow today. Would his appearance announce that at long last we’ve finally achieved the colorblind Utopia of Dr. King’s dream? Or would it predict another twelve months of righteous race baiting and demagoguery in his endless crusade against racial inequality? There was little hope in the gloomy gray sky, though for a moment the clouds seemed to part and the sun strained to poke through. But then it was gone, as was any chance of seeing the Reverend’s stately shadow this year.

The vast throng of gawkers seemed to sense it, too, and a deep moan of disappointment rumbled through the crowd as Jackson crawled out from a hole in the ground and morosely announced: “Dr. King’s dream has not yet been realized.”

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s true. Black politicians, celebrities, and business leaders alike agreed today that they are still by and large oppressed by The Man. Even though it is subtler and almost impossible to detect, racism still exists in every aspect of our society. Indeed, there is strong anecdotal evidence that we’re still living in 1950’s Mississippi. Mayor Nagin of New Orleans, for instance, knows a guy who knows a guy that couldn’t get a bank loan, then watched as a white man simply drove right up and loaded bags of money into his armored car. Oprah's white hairdresser constantly gives her an attitude, and my cousin’s best friend’s crack dealer was “dissed” at a Piggly Wiggly just this year. While he isn’t certain that it was racially motivated, it makes one wonder if society has progressed at all since Dr. King was gunned down by George Bush’s dad.

There was a time, not so long ago, when we were as close as we’d ever be to realizing Dr. King’s vision of an equal and racially just America. We even had our first Black president, and almost a second. But then came the Chimp, and with him a whole slew of white-sheet Republicans stealing their way into power on the backs of millions of disenfranchised Black voters. Almost overnight, Dr. King’s beautiful dream slipped from our fingers. Black churches burned. Hurricanes plowed into predominantly African-American communities. Black children’s books authors were rounded up and systematically exterminated. Jesse Jackson wasn’t allowed to bring hookers to the White House anymore. Officially, Bush replaced "Hymies" as the source of all Black strife, and the Black community is now just one more Republican peeResident away from horse whips and chains again.

As a progressive and long time crusader for racial equality, I yearn for that bright February morning when Rev. Jackson will crawl out of his hole and announce that he will no longer be requiring vast amounts of money to wage his valiant battle against racism. I’m sure he looks forward to that day as well. Yet there is still a long way to go before Dr. King’s dream of a Black community completely dependent on government hand-outs distributed by Democrat politicians will finally be fulfilled.

http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/

So sorry to hear that, Vander. I hope your life and family are happily safe and secure. Bad things DO happen to good people.

Yes, the humor is very subtle. And, to the cursory scanner it's subtility is lost.

Again, I'm hoping you and your family are recovering whatever ill fate happened to you. Thanks for your contribution to the silliness.